In Over My Head

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The printing of music, the clicking of a mouse, the ding of a new email, the crunch of hole punching, the muffled laughter from the preschool which shares the building, the snaps of binder rings. These are the sounds of my new job.

As I go about my daily tasks, the music of Pandora Online Radio has been the current which I move to. Some songs I know and sing with, others unknown fade into the background, yet still carrying me.

And once in awhile a lyric pops out at me, makes me listen a little closer. Today was one of those days.

“Would You come and tear down the boxes that I have tried to put You in.” And I’m drawn in. The video found on YouTube, put on repeat, and I soak in the rest of the lyrics. And just like that, a song put into words what my heart has been fumbling to say lately.

“I have come to this place in my life
I’m full but I’ve not satisfied
This longing to have more of You
I can feel it my heart is convinced
I’m thirsty my soul can’t be quenched
You already know this but still
Come and do whatever You want to”

[I feel as though I’ve moved from season to season, believing that the next season would satisfy the longings in my heart. And each time I’m engulfed with disappointment when it doesn’t, but I’m not surprised. I constantly come to the place in my life when I realize that only Jesus satisfies. So no matter how full I am this side of Heaven, no matter how great the experiences here, I will still long for more, for other, for Him, for He in Him is fulness of all things].

“I’m standing knee deep but I’m out where I’ve never been
I feel You coming and I hear Your voice on the wind.”

[I have a desire to go deeper with the Lord].

“Would You come and tear down the boxes

That I have tried to put You in.”

[God is limitless, yet my mindsets try to limit Him. I try to limit Him by trying to be God in my own life, grasping for control, my way, my timing. I try to limit God when I try to make life perfect, the way I think it should be.]

“Let love come teach me who You are again

Take me back to the place where my heart was only about You
And all I wanted was just to be with You
Come and do whatever You want to”

[There was a time in my walk with the Lord where our relationship was so deep and intimate, it was fresh, growing, dedicated. But distractions have swarmed in, competing with my heart. These distractions have fogged my view of God, and when our view of God is off, our view of ourselves and the way we live our life is off too. My time, attention, and thoughts go elsewhere so easily. “Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God.” Oh how my heart needs to be purified from the distracting idols. But I can’t do it on my own. I want to want Jesus. I want to want Him more than I want perfection, purpose, to use my gifts, to feel known, to be understood, friendships, acceptance, money, a house, a child, the love and attention of my husband, the approval of my parents. But I need Jesus to help me want Jesus. Jesus makes our hearts pure, Jesus makes us want Jesus, Jesus makes our hearts only about Jesus].

“Further and further my heart moves away from the shore
Whatever it looks like, whatever may come I am Yours
Further and further my heart moves away from the shore
Whatever it looks like, whatever may come I am Yours”

[No matter what it takes, no matter what I have to let go of, I want more of Him, I want to obey Him, I want to be with Him].

“Then You crash over me and I’ve lost control but I’m free
I’m going under, I’m in over my head
And You crash over me, I’m where You want me to be
I’m going under, I’m in over my head”

[Surrender is fearful, but surrender is where freedom is found.]

“Whether I sink, whether I swim
It makes no difference when I’m beautifully in over my head
Whether I sink, whether I swim
It makes no difference when I’m beautifully in over my head
I’m beautifully in over my head
I’m beautifully in over my head”

[ “I’m in over my head” typically means we are too deeply involved with something that we cannot deal with it any longer, that we have too many difficulties than we can manage. But, with Jesus, things are opposite. There is beauty in His crashing over us, being in over our heads, fully under His control, engulfed in who He is, so deeply involved with Him that nothing else in our lives matters].

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