Not just in nature but in my life.
A new beginning.
After a year (which at times has felt like a century) of asking where The Lord wants me, after pleading for a job/different job, I am joyful to announce I will be serving as the Worship Ministry Administrative Assistant at a church near our home as of Monday!
It is crazy how when you finally get the thing you’ve been wanting for so long, sometimes you question if you actually deserve it, want it, or if it’s even for real.
There’s a mixture of excitement, disbelief, gratitude, hope, joy, sadness and a little fear stirring in my heart.
I’m excited for something new. New ways to use my gifts to serve others, new people, new lessons, a new office. I’m excited to finally have a (somewhat) consistent work schedule and get into an actual routine for the first time since I’ve been married. I’m excited to get to work somewhere close to home. I’m excited to serve in a church! I’m excited because me and hubs decided that if I got this job we would go to the Mat Kearney concert . We bought the tickets last night!
I’m in disbelief because I don’t deserve this job. In my disappointment I became bitter. I felt like God had forgotten me (even though He hadn’t). I sought understanding over seeking The Lord. For a long time I sought what He wanted me to do more than Himself. “Lord, I hear so many stories of people randomly and suddenly getting jobs. I hear stories of how people network for people they know. Why aren’t You doing that for me?!” And being gracious, He proved me wrong. He reminded me not to doubt Him. He humbled me. In His sense of humor, this is exactly how this job came about. The pastor at the church I will be working at is a college friend’s dad. Her mom was the one who told me about the position. I’m in disbelief over God’s perfect timing and provision. When we decided to move two months ago, I never would have guessed this is where God would place me. I never really thought I would work at a church.
I’m full of gratitude for this position. For the lady who told me about it. For all of the people who have prayed for me during this time and have rejoiced with me today. For all the experiences I have had that prepared me for this position. For all the other potential employers who did not hire me. For this humbling season of discouragement.
I’m full of hope because “for in hope we have been saved, but hope that is seen is not hope; for who hopes for what he already sees?” I hoped for something I didn’t see, something I didn’t have, and God was faithful. I don’t see Heaven yet, but I’m hopeful for it because I know He will be faithful still.
I am full of joy because I know circumstances can’t steal my or give me joy. Sometimes my joy may be hidden, or confused with happiness, but my joy comes from The Lord and He is constant.
I am sad because a new beginning always means an ending. I’ve been working at a local bakery since September. And let me tell you, this isn’t your normal bakery. We are busy constantly. Bakeries are different than restaurants, I know because I’ve worked in both. Crabby customers come to restaurants because their hungry, celebrating customers come to bakeries. When you work at a bakery you aren’t just selling a cake, you’re selling a celebration. “I’m buying this for my mail man.” “This is for my garbage man.” “This is for the lady who waits on me at Wendy’s.” These customers reminded me of the good in people. But it wasn’t always sunshine and roses with the customers, especially on days when your patience was running thin. This job taught me how to respond kindly even when internally I was about to explode. This job taught me more about going out of my way to serve others. This job gave me a beautiful picture of managers and owners who truly care more about their employees than their profit. This job taught me how to interact with and love people that are very different than me. This job helped me to be positive when others were negative. This job helped me practice how to handle gossip. This job taught me that mundane tasks like making boxes and cutting stickers have purpose. This job humbled me. And this job has made me gain a few pounds (excited lose those!)
I am fearful because the process of change isn’t my favorite thing. I am fearful because there’s always the learning curve, and we learn best when we make mistakes, but nobody likes to make those. And perfection is my enemy. I am fearful because the lady who held the position before me is AWESOME! Will others be open to the change of me? I am fearful because I want this job to work out, I really want to enjoy it, especially after jobs that have sucked the life out of me and a long season of disappointment and searching. I am afraid that I will gravitate towards finding my identity in my job, something The Lord has really been convicting me over the past two years not to do. I am fearful because what if this doesn’t work out? Then what? I am fearful of the unknown. I am fearful because on the same day I got an interview for this job, I got an acceptance letter to an alternative teacher certification program. This timing was confusing, yet I didn’t have a peace about the program after I applied weeks before. And peace flooded in when I got the call about this job. So I choose to walk in faith. Fears fade into faith.
Another time to bloom where The Gardener has planted me.
This season will change, as it changes me.